Miss Tracy's blog

What is Interesting to me is You.

Reflection of the Day.(17May2010)

I went to the usual bench today and once again got out my dust pan. This time people were already there. I hadn't seen these two before. One guy, older and a bit scruffy looking. Clothes looked as though they needed to go to the laundry pile. The other was fairly well dressed. Red ball cap. Blue zip up hoody and jeans. He had a black and red backpack with him. So, I put down my bag and coffee on the side of the street and got down and swept up the butts and turned to them and said "Good Morning." From there on was a conversation. Scruffy man didn't stick around for long. Red stayed and talked for quite a while. About his addiction and "failed" attempts at life. I think he said he was 40. He talked very intelligently and shared his fears about relapsing and never getting it right. All I could pass on was names of treatment facilities and talked about how we do not "fail" from life, we learn from it. To create a "Circle of Influence", those people who are positive and who support your direction. I hope "Red's" strength and courage comes through. I know its there.

From there, I bought my son's birthday gift. He is 11 today. And then went to visit my cousin and her partner. A fun get together, full of laughter. Before I departed, my cousin's partner exclaims, "Tracy, you are amazing." I smiled and replied, "I know."(not sarcastically either)

From there, I walked home in the sunshine and thought "what a great day".

Oh yes, my son and i went for a wonderful bike ride and he is having his little get together this weekend. FUN! :D

13May2010

So this morning I did something a little different. I went for my usual walk, but instead of going to get my coffee I found a dollar store. I picked up some invitations for my son and then got myself something which I would use on the way back home. 

I then went on from there to the coffee shop and since it's so sunny and warm, I thought an ice cap was in order. I walked out and headed to the usual bench I stop to either read a book, talk to people who are already there or whatever comes my way. 

This bench is notorious for smokers, you often see butts all over the place and today was no different. So, I took out what I bought from the dollar store and started to use it. I am sure some people were thinking "what on earth is she doing"..some passing on pretending to not see.

When I was finished, I sat there on the bench reflecting in thought. What I saw on the ground around me was nothing. 

I am sure the butts will return, but so will I.

Just Me

Me

Babble

I stumbled across this. No entry for a while. That just means I have A LOT to talk about! Yeah Yeah...Blab my life online...why not!? 

Transition is happening. I didn't bother looking in past entries to see what kind of "blog" this is. Maybe a "Babble Blog". I have to say that I think that it is better than a "Rant"..wouldn't you say!? 

I experience writer's block from time to time. I have the thought there, just can't put it to paper! Yes, paper. Much nicer than computer text.

Anyone have the description to Life? 

HELLO WORLD!!!

Enough time has once again lapsed, so I return.

Thinking about how times have changed. One thing that I notice is people are too busy to let anybody in.This includes myself. I have walked down the street and watched somebody say "Hello" to another and they either look down to the sidewalk, continue walking or look straight ahead like nobody was there. I, on the other hand, say "Hello" back with an added smile. I used to be the one who walked on by with her eyes directed to the pavement.

This even happens at the church I attend. Too many busy people. What happened? My thinking is, the world hit fast forward after the 80's and never stopped to slow down and smell the roses as they say. It just kept going, going down to the pavement. I rather smell those flowers!

So my goal is, no matter what, whoever I come across, whoever makes eye contact or not is getting a "HELLO" with a smile and a possible handshake. (especially those fraidy cats at church...lol)

HELLO WORLD!!!

 

 

 

Roses2

missing

Once in a while I revisit this site. I browse through my thoughts. I want to compose again, so here Iam. I get stuck for words though. Im not sure what it is. There is so much weighing on my mind right now and you would think it would be easy to open up and let it out. Yet, I feel empty. Doesn't make sense. I mean if there is so much there, why is this empty feeling lingering? I want to feel that expression again. I miss it.

content

Yes, it must be strength. I have once again  swept the wave of people out of my life. As you get to know people and their behaviours, you have to evaluate and ask yourself "Are these people going to be an asset to my life, a plus!?"  You know, the world has changed so much. So many ignorant people. People with false tendancies. I wonder what happened. Some say the internet. I say ignorance.

I believe Iam unique in the sense that I hold strong values in my life and therefore expect the same from others who enter my life. Unfortunately, I have  yet to come across someone that true. And, if you are not 100% true, I simply walk in the other direction. A direction of hope..a direction that sooner or later brings inner peace and happiness. Im glad about this clean up...Im content.

Strength

Lately, many things have been going on. I have met various people, been on a few dates. I have had to end them before progressing because my inner self senses these people were not for me.

My ex re-entered my life. A few weekends ago, I had a hair appointment and where I go for that is around the vicinity of where he lives. A few months prior to that, maybe back in March or so, him and I went to a comedy club, and I had left some cd's in his truck. So, on the day of my hair appointment, I called to see if he would be around so I could collect my belongings. He was. I arrived at his place, expecting him to come down and give me my cd's. There he was, up on his balcony looking down. I guess I was going up.

So, there I was going up to his place. As I walked through the door and to the elevator, it brought back memories. When I came to his floor, the door opened and I couldnt help, but to feel like I was where I was supposed to be.  We talked for a while and laughed and smiled at eachother. It felt like the first time all over again. He then told me about how he thought of calling and how he wouldnt mind doing another comedy club outing.

A week or two past and I picked up the phone, afraid of rejection but still pushing on to ask, "Hey, you wanna go golfing and then to the comedy club next weekend?" I didnt need to fear. We will golf and laugh this comming Saturday,July 26th.

Now, I dont know if Im setting myself up. I just know I want to try to maintain a mind that is open to everything, yet attached to nothing. May seem simple, but its darn difficult. But you know, my thought patterns are changing and I have noticed the more this pattern has changed, the more it has attracted people into my life. And for once, I no longer have this sad feeling lingering over me. I push forward and not back...I think its called Strength.

You learn something every day...

You learn something every day if you pay attention.

And that is what I must do.  I must pay attention more to, not only my life, but the lives of others.